I am going to brag… just for a moment. I have the best future mother-in-law in the world. She supports my vision in life, my dreams and my passionate endeavor to pursue my coaching career. She continues to get me books on motivation to strengthen my research along with my own personal development, she picks me up quote books because I am one of the biggest quote geeks around and the book that she got me that I’ve really been into lately, Christiane Northrup’s, “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom”. More on Christiane in a minute.
Life Coaching
Coaching is a newer concept out there. A lot of people when they say, “So, what do you?” and I say, “I am a Life Coach,” I kind of get one of those deer in head light looks like, “Annnnnd what exactly does that mean?”
Coaching might be a newer field but it is by no means a newer concept. It is the practice of being present, a practice that has been around in religion and in the medical field for quite some time. And in today’s world, where there are more and more demands while things move faster and faster, it’s harder for some people to get present and it’s even harder & harder to know and understand why it is they feel a certain way in their life because they don’t stop to tune into their mind or body long enough to listen.
Falling Madly in Love
A lot of people don’t know my journey so I would like to take a minute to share it. This was a big area for me in my coaching journey… sharing my feelings & letting others know how I felt. I was superwoman at the time, “No thanks,” I thought, “I’m just fine over here doing it all by myself. I don’t need you“.
When I was in Corporate America, I found the male dominated management world I lived in to be very confusing. It was hypocritical and degrading to say the least. I was beginning to challenge my beliefs & my morals as a female and more importantly, as a person. When I checked in with the one male mentor I did highly respect at the time, the response I got was, “Just keep doing what you’re doing”, that was not exactly the answer I was looking for.
Not having any female mentors to turn to internally, because 9 out of 10 managers were male, I decided to take matters into my own hands. My body and my mind knew what I was feeling & it wasn’t normal or the path I needed to be going down. I felt stuck, a word I so often hear as a coach and one that I most definitely can relate to.
I knew I didn’t need therapy or a counselor, I just needed what felt like a wake-up call, a good swift kick in the butt to tell me to do something. I’d heard the concept of a life coach and I pushed it off for awhile – because what the hell is that? But after awhile, my options were running out. I made the call to my Life Coach… and with that call, everything changed. I finally, for the first time ever, fell madly in love with myself… I saw me, for me.
Holy… smack in the face
When I started coaching, my coach had me rank certain areas of my life on a scale of 1 – 10 (1 bad, 5 ok, 10 bombastic). I ranked them on that first day and then at the end of my 3 month commitment, I had to rerank those items. Holy… smack in the face. As I reranked my items she pulled out my old list. As I sat there and compared the two lists the “light bulb” went off. The ONLY thing that changed over 3 months was me. Plain and simple. My mind ran wild; I was the one preventing movement and possibility, I was the one limiting myself by others beliefs that I self imposed, I was the one putting myself in their box.
It’s truly that easy to change your life… the question is, do you want to? It might be a simple concept and I’m not saying there isn’t hard work in there, because trust me, there is. But the rewards are endless and the real question is, do you want to? The process moved me so much and the results coaching created were so profound in my life that I said, “If anyone answers that question, do you want to, and they reply yes… I want to be able to help them get there”. The rest is history. I went back to school, got certified and I’ve been helping clients find themselves ever since.
90% of all diseases are caused by stress
I could explain coaching all day long. I personally have seen the freedom it has unleashed in my own life and the same freedom that it has unleashed time & time again for my clients.
But why do we need it? Why do we need a check-in with ourselves once in awhile, why do we need a coach? Well, why does your car need a tune-up or oil change, why do your teeth need cleaned, why do you get a yearly physical, why do jobs have annual performance reviews, why do you go to church on Sundays, why do you do spring cleaning & why does your computer cache need emptied once in awhile? To unclutter. To reboot. To catch things before they go bad.
Coaching doesn’t just unclutter your life, it can save your life. I heard a statistic the other day that 90% of diseases are caused by stress. This is sad because when I worked in the medical field one thing that drove me nuts was how people always wanted to be on the next magic bullet, the next best pill. But wait, what if you could prevent illness from happening in the first place? Can you imagine the dollars that could be saved on testing, drugs, doctor visits, the time and energy that could be saved for those that are truly sick, the diseases that could be prevented in the first place if we could just lower our stress levels on a more consistent basis?
Rock Star of the Week, Christiane Northrup, M.D.
I am especially interested in female empowerment because I see what is going on in our society. I see media’s negative portrayals, I see & feel the perceptions that exist, the double standards, the glass ceilings, the looks, the lack of support and resources available to women. However, these are NOT excuses. We are all in control of our own lives. Our past is not our destiny. I am here to help others find their inner gifts so that they can use them in their personal and professional lives to make the footprint they want to leave on the world. If it’s being a better stay at home mom, a CEO, an account manager, whatever… just be you doing it. But what I’m noticing lately, the big question of, how do I do that? There’s all kinds of books, presentations, webinars, tv shows, etc… but how do I do that? It takes accountability and it can take a good coach. Olympic Gold Medalist, the experts themselves, have a coach. Tiger Woods, has a golf coach. Beyonce, a voice coach. The list goes on and on.
Christiane Northrup, M.D. articulated for me in her book, “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom,” the exact phenomenon that we are experiencing today in the world. I’ve taken a rather lengthy excerpt from her book but it’s well worth the read.
“The patriarchal organization of our society demands that women, its second-class citizens, ignore or turn away from their hopes or dreams in deference to men and the demands of their families. Instead of learning how to pay attention to the genius of our intuition and inner guidance, we instead internalize the belief that we are not worthy enough, smart enough, or good looking enough to live the lives of freedom, joy and fulfillment. Little boys learn early on how to shut down their feelings to avoid being called a “sissy” or otherwise being compared to an inferior girl. The denying of the universal human need for emotional expression, love, support, partnership, self actualization, and self-expression causes enormous emotional pain and also uses up a great deal of energy. Lacking a way to name and change their situations, many women (and men) instead turn to addictions such as overwork, overcare, smoking, and overeating that result in endless cycle of abuse that we ourselves help perpetuate. Being abused or abusing ourselves, we become ill. We turn to a medical system that is set up to deliver mostly quick-fix pharmaceutical solutions to problems that can’t be healed until we change our core beliefs and thoughts.
Female bodies, long associated with cycles and subject to the ebb and flow of natural rythms, are seen as especially emotional and in need of management. Our entire society functions in ways that keep us out of touch with what we know and feel.
A first step toward making a positive change in your life or your health is to name your current experience and allow yourself to feel it fully – emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Back in the 1980′s, it was crucial for me to see how often I used the caretaker and rescuer role to stay out of touch with my own feelings. It was crucial for me to name this behavior “relationship addiction”. Before I did this, I looked to others to affirm me and tell me that I was ok. I took their cues on how to act, feel and look: I was always seeing myself in terms of other people. I believed that if I said no to someone who needed me, I wouldn’t be valued or loved. Looking back over my life, I see not only how persistent this pattern has been but also how much it has improved through insight and behavior change. My own life and health has improved enormously as a result of naming and changing this behavior. Simple. Not easy”.
Christiane Northrup, M.D. is Rock Star of the week for taking the medical community head on & challenging what so many are missing; you can create physical and emotional health and healing. She was scared to write her own book for fear of what her peers and colleagues would say, but guess what, it landed on the New York Times Bestseller list because women wanted and needed her to express her inner wisdom.
One of my favorite quotes, “Well behaved women rarely make history”. Dr. Northrup, thank you for going out on a limb and showing the rest of the world and the medical community that not every single women who feels “stuck” needs to be on an antidepressant.
I don’t know, I guess and I’m sorry
STOP. If one, two or three of these phrases exist in your vocabulary, stop. You are creating uncertainty in your life. I myself fell into this category years ago and have seen almost every single one of my female clients of every age struggle with one or more of these phrases. You do know, you are certain and you are not sorry for being you. Taking control of just one or all three of these phrases can make a profound impact in your life. Time to throw one or more of these away today?
The “don’t believe me section”
Look. I’m not here to shove coaching down everyone’s throat. I’m not here to say everyone needs it. However, I am here to say that based on my own experiences, and because of those experiences gained the knowledge and training to help others, that it is hands down an amazing tool. I am all about helping people gain control of their life again if they feel it’s drifted somewhere off the map or they need to figure out how to personally or professionally grow in a more positive direction. Because it can be done. I work within it and see it happen every single day.
In closing, if you don’t believe we are among an epidemic in this world, check out these statistics posted from The New American, “A new report from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) National Center for Health Statistics shows that over a 10-year period, the use of antidepressants has skyrocketed across the United States by a staggering 400 percent — as the numbers of those diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (the clinical name for depression) and anxiety disorders has dramatically increased.
Overall, women are more than twice as likely as men to take an antidepressant, the analysis reveals. The biggest users are women ages 40 to 59, with 23 percent of that group using an antidepressant. Among males and females ages 12 to 17, 3.7 percent take an antidepressant, compared with 6.1 percent of those ages 18 to 39, 15.9 percent of those 40 to 59, and 14.5 percent of those 60 and older”.
Women are more than twice as likely to take an antidepressant. I’ve heard people say, “Women are just weaker, women don’t have what it takes to do what men do, women need to stop complaining”. No, women need to be heard. If we could just start right there, how much different would the world be?
I heard another stat the other day that blew my mind. Only 3% of the population in the United States makes goals for themselves and then here’s the kicker… executes on them. 3…%. What?! I read stats like the above, women are 2x more likely to take andipressants who feel miserable in this world, and it’s no wonder we only have 3% of the population acting out on their dreams and goals. I am going to also bet that most of the population in that 3% are not women. But my challenge today is… what if they were? Would we have more cures for cancer, beat childhood obesity, have safer household products, a female president… what if MORE women were a part of that 3% and what if we could get the next 1% to be mostly women?
Leave me a comment or let me know in my contact tab if you are needing a “tune-up” in life. More times than not, ignoring the check engine light just isn’t a good idea, especially, when we could have prevented a blow-up or stall from happening in the first place. It’s back to basics; Green light go, Yellow light, caution and Red light, stop. What signs are you ignoring & more importantly, what are you ignoring?
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Rock Star of the Week
