When I talk about the 2012 Rock Star, I’m not talking the Katy Perry’s or Lady Gaga’s of the world; I’m talking about the new 21st century woman. These women are ROCK STARS.
This past year, 2011, was a year of reflection for me. A lot of time trying to be present, looking around, and a lot of holy cow, as women we’ve accomplished so much up until this point but man do we have a long way to go! That’s from my own personal experience all the way up to the millions of blog posts and articles that are written each and every year about women’s equality in the workplace, and lack of support and resources to move up the ladder. You know what I’m talking about; the glass ceiling, why are there no women mentors, my boss just thinks I’m being difficult, how am I supposed to juggle job and kids… the list goes on and on and on… if we let it.
This year, 2012 is going to be the year of awareness. My goal is to uncover and highlight shifts in our culture that are happening right now, today, and in this moment that are monumental deal breakers for the next generation of women. Some shifts I talk about will be positive, some negative, and some that really need to be looked at now in order for us to make intelligent choices as women, and as a society moving forward.
So why am I doing this? I have read so many articles lately that are just talking, providing content, complaining, or just cluttering inboxes with “stuff” regarding women’s leadership initiatives. There are no solutions being discussed – just a bunch of chattering. I wouldn’t even care if there were bad solutions being brought forward at this point, but there’s no action happening towards changing women’s rights in the new 21st century work force.
We’re playing a whole new ball game from the one that was being played even 20 years ago, yet, we’re all playing by the same old rules. How can that be? I can’t promise that this blog will be the solution, but what I can promise is that you will get something different here. You will be challenged to get involved, and you will be challenged to make a difference.
I am going to highlight a new topic once a week that gets to the core issues of women’s equality in the U.S. and how it relates to future outcomes of our society. I then welcome dialogue around ideas and/or solutions as to how we can improve the situation, or make the current one better. In conjunction with the article, I will spotlight a ROCK STAR of the week. This could be someone famous, in the news, or it could be someone like Jennifer Antonini below, who is just trying to make a difference in her community by contributing her talents as a lawyer in Toledo, Ohio, yet make a difference in the world by being a good mom and raising her boys to go out and make their own contributions.
With all that the 21st century woman encounters today, she’s got ROCK STAR written all over her. I cannot wait to see how many of you are yet to be discovered… “Will the real 21st century ladies please stand up?”
Today’s Mom is a Rock Star
When I was about 9 years old, there was this book that sat on the bathroom vanity called, “I’m Dancing as Fast as I Can.” It was there for two or three years before we moved. On the cover was a blonde lady, as I recall, with a tutu and a pair of jeans, capris maybe. She didn’t look very happy about the dancing, exasperated really. I used to see that book every time I went into the bathroom, two or three times a day. With it sat other books, one was “I’m OK, You’re OK,” and the other was “The Road Less Traveled.” I didn’t know, at the age of 9 and 10, what any of the books were about, but I always wondered about the lady on the cover. I could never figure out what was so bad about all that dancing.
Fast forward 30 years and it hit me. The book wasn’t about dancing, it was about the life of a busy mom. I’m sure my mother picked up that book looking to find some solace in its pages, only to find she rarely had time to actually read it. Face it, the book was in the bathroom, her only chance to read, and I’m sure we never gave her more than 30 seconds there before the next request, demand, or problem arose.
I can only imagine that if my mom felt she was dancing as fast as she could, mother of five at that time (six later), then I must be spinning circles around Michelle Kuan. I want to take nothing away from my mother’s generation, but the mother of today is in a whole new ball game. Whether working full time, part time, or keeping a career at bay, today’s moms and upcoming moms-to-be are faced with more on the to-do list than ever, and it all starts with the early years.
Remember the playpen? No more of that. Young mothers are told to engage their children and let them explore their environment. Instead of getting your laundry done and dinner made, you are guilt ridden if you haven’t had several hours of intense learning play with your child – and yet, the laundry and dinner still await and must be done, so dance faster.
Sending your child to preschool offers some respite from the constant engagement we are expected to perform, only to find out that you now have fund-raisers, pumpkin night, ice carving, and several pre-school shows to attend. Dance faster sister, faster.
By the time your child is in school, you are juggling school schedules, sport schedules, homework, book reports, science projects and a truckload of paper every week. You might also be trying to hold a job, volunteer at school, have an exercise schedule, shop for groceries and return that book to the library that is four weeks overdue. Speed it up.
Junior high and high school are the pinnacle. You are likely driving your child to and from school because the bus is just not cool, commuting to various cities around the state for travel leagues, picking up poster board on a moment’s notice, keeping everything at the office under control (just under), and, oh yes, trying to maintain some form of a relationship with that guy you live with – your husband. Go, go, go!
Keep in mind this is what happens when you have one child. Now throw in one or two more and you are managing overlapping paragraphs. This level of demand has never been seen before in the history of the world, and yet it is being handled by today’s mothers on a daily basis. It is an amazing dance, a whirlwind, but truly amazing.
There are many times in a day that I feel like the lady on the cover of my mom’s book. I’ve got on a completely mismatched outfit, and I feel exasperated. I wonder sometimes if I can keep up this pace. I wonder if I am doing anything well or just everything mediocre. It is a busy, busy world for today’s mothers.
The amazing thing, the one thing that often keeps me going, is that I know I am not in this alone. I am not alone like the woman on the cover of that book from so many years ago. Every mom I know is handling life at the same pace and generally managing pretty well. It is almost as if the world has set a higher standard and we relish in reaching it.
I salute the mother of today. It is the chorus line that keeps the world going, and the dance floor is bigger and better than ever. Despite the occasional madness of it all, there is no indication that we can’t handle life in the new millennium.
If I could re-design the cover of that book today, for today’s mothers, she wouldn’t be wearing a tutu, she would be wearing a sequined jacket, she wouldn’t be looking tired and worn out, she would have her hands raised triumphantly over her head. She’s a Rock Star. ~ by Jennifer Antonini
Drop us a line and let us know what Rock Star lifestyle you’re leading and leave us any tips on how you’re holding it all together… outside of just your “Rockstar” energy drinks 
Alicia,
This is great and even though I’ve been lucky enough to stay home these last 2 years, I remember the pressure at work to do more, more, more. Working, paper work after work, dinner and spending a little time with my family.
The FIRST thing that helps busy moms is to have a great guy/partner BESIDE you helping you any way they can. I have been lucky enough to have that for the last 12 years and I am greatful every day for such a good man/support system so LADIES make sure BEFORE you marry that guy that you will have a true partner in life. So many of us, are in love with the white dress and the big day that we are ignoring the fact that we are marrying the WRONG person! Hello…..Kim Kardashian! DO NOT settle ladies you deserve the best and don’t stop until you get it!
The second thing is choosing the right company to work for. Thanks to some help from you, Alicia, I now know that I can be myself and if I can’t, if I have to pretend to be someone I’m not then I won’t be happy there and I will resent every second of that job. If the company is run by an asshole guess what? The company doesn’t have the right values and you will just be wiped away with the rest of the shit. I know these days it’s tougher to have a choice because most of us just need a job. Trust me I know! So if you feel stuck DON’T feel like you have to always be stuck. I feel like having a dream and working on that dream will go a long way in getting you through the day. Alicia, I think it would help to start finding and highlighting the companies that make it easier for women to work and have a family. Obviously, we can’t all work at those places but maybe we can start to change things where we work in order to have a more balanced life.
I hope this blog will be a start for women to get what they really want out of life. Lord knows we deserve it!
Elly Gwyn
aka “The Goddess of Grub”
Elly, GREAT feedback. Your first point is an excellent one. I used to have a sign in my office at my previous job that was the 21 essential things for success. Know what the first one was… marry the right person, it will determine 90% of your happiness. I have a blog already in mind around this topic. I have no doubt it will be controversial and well worth the read. Though, why not keep things interesting. I’ve had this one written for awhile and needed the courage to hit send. I’m there now. And your second point, ABSOLUTELY. I want to recognize and highlight companies that “get it”. Now, I’m not niave enough to think every company can run off and start doing the sorts of changes, we’ll be talking about, however, if we can start laying the foundation of what good likes like, a new movement or expectations around women in the workplace… THAT is a start. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. We’ll get there but we need people to start the 2012 Rock Star training program first. Get on board people, it’s going to be a fun ride!
Well done, Lish! I LOVE what Jennifer had to say. And I love your whole approach to this. I can’t wait to read more.
I’ve shared on my facebook and LinkedIn as well. Hope you don’t mind. Go, you!
Definitely don’t mind. I appreciate your support and please let me know if there are any topics you would like to see. I know you’re a new mom and would love your perspective on challenges you see and how we can keep intelligent women like yourself engaged and contributing while still maintaining that family bond at home.
This is just amazing! I really look forward to the conversations and topics to come! Although I have no children yet, I juggle working a full time job, plus managing and growing my own small business, and my home life consisting of 2 dogs, 2 cats, a fiance and his 7-year-old son (who is amazing). I wonder most days how I manage to get by day-to-day and I still hope for children in my near future! My hope is to lean on this blog to get insight, comfort, and to share stories from all of the other amazing women who are making a difference in this world! Thanks Alicia, this is a great idea!
Ms. Amanda… from the outside looking in… you are up to some amazing things girl. The world is yours
My hope is that you, me and others can gain as much insight as we can so that we can continue going after our dreams by leaning in and supporting each as we each make our own individual impact in the world. It’s easy to give up but I KNOW there are so many great ideas and shifts/changes on the horizon for so many women that we can’t just let them drop. We’ve got to fight and move forward to make the strides needed to make real change. I’m hoping that this blog will grow with women who feel the same way, who want to support, not tear down their peers as we all move towards greater understanding and awareness in the world around women’s needs at work.
Brilliant, I love it! What a wonderful venue to process the pressures of today. I am somewhere in between the 2 generation Jennifer described, her’s and her mother’s, but I have indeed done the dance and decided to choose a different path. When the opportunity arose I bailed on the “Oh so coveted career” and stayed home to raise my kids. We lived hand to mouth for a while but we figured it out.
I had a girlfriend back in Texas that always said, “don’t let anything or anyone decide for you”!! Not the size of the neighbors house or the material trappings of countless status symbols. Decide what is important to you and make choices that create the life that is consistent with those things. I was held and controlled by what others thought for far tooo long!
Never again Sistahs!! And when I dance it is to the beat of my own drum!
Jennifer, I’ve only known you a short while but you’ve already been inspirational towards showing me that it’s ok to dance to my own drum. Thanks for the “affirmation”… we need more women SUPPORTING women coming up in the world. Thanks for paving the way…
I love all of the comments so far. It is a treadmill and it is very hectic. However, I think we all need to remember that we choose all of these “stresses”. For me personally, I choose to work outside the home and I choose to make a healthy dinner at home every night. If I choose to enroll my daughter in gymnastics or dance class, which would obviously add to my schedule, but enhance her day, I have made a choice. Somedays we all feel like we could have done better that day, but give yourself some grace. It is hard to be a 21st century mom, regardless of your circumstance and you have the option of saying “no” to some things. It is not a requirement of motherhood to do all of these things…it is a choice. I agree with the comment about worrying about what others think. It’s not up to them how you raise your children or how you manage your career or whatever your daily routine entails – it’s up to you. Taking back ownership of your day will go a long way in relieving the stress.
Katie, this is awesome and something I can promise will come up again because I plan to write an entire blog on it. THIS is one of the first things you learn in coaching. This single concept is something that brought grace and peace back into my life. I… HAVE… A… CHOICE?! What! LOL. Who knew! It was the biggest chain that was cut and the one that sky rocketed me towards freedom & choice. If I say yes to something… what am I REALLY saying no to? Wow. That was profound for me. I was saying yest to A LOT of things that I really didn’t want to me doing and ignoring the juicy, fun, delicious things that could not only help me but my relationships with others.
I started off with my own life coach about 4 years ago and the experience changed my life so much then when I got done with the 3 month commitment I said to my coach, “It’s really this easy to change your life?! How do I help others see, do and understand how to make room for this type of greatness in their life?”. And, that is how this whole journey started. Off to training and certification I went, a lot of hours, training and 2 years later, here I am. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of work in there for a client to complete but for the types of results you get overall and the different areas of your life that are touched… it truly truly is amazing.
Thanks so much for your post. I would love to reach back out to you when we get to this post, Choice, and get some more feedback from you. Best, AK
My Uncle Don directed me to your blog. Great idea/venue! I look forward to followinf and commenting along the way! Congratulations on your new endeavor!
Erin, great to have you! Look very forward to your contributions! Best, AK
Wow Alicia great idea and content! Thanks for all your friendship and support with my growing business over the years. Yes the family culture and expectations have certainly changed over the last 20 years tremendously and I think it is up to the parents to decide what level of involvement feels right for their family. Kris and I were adamant about family time and vacations versus extracurricualar activity when we were raising our kids.
Good luck with your new endeavor and thanks for including me!
Monica, thanks for your feedback. I think your feedback also captures a few of the other comments as well and maybe a blog on this down the road too? Involvement versus enslavement regarding kid’s activities? I am so excited for you and your business. You’re great at it and I am glad to see you take control of your life and what you want to do. KUDOS.
Alicia,
Amazing post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts…I look forward to following this throughout the year! After we had Abby, I felt like we finally had a handle on our schedule….then Nate came & we have reentered chaos!! I completely agree with the comments about having a great husband who is willing to be supportive and help out. Josh has always been a hands on dad, and I am so grateful for that. We also try and limit the activities we are letting Abby be involved in…..it would be so easy to have her in dance, gymnastics, swim lessons, ball, etc…..at 3 yrs old!? We try and have a lot of family nights already, I just hope we do not lose sight of this as the kids get older.